Christmas jokes for kids
Short, simple and easy for younger children to read out themselves. These are the classics that have turned up in crackers for generations.
What do elves learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker!
Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes!
Why did Santa's helper go to the doctor?
He had low elf-esteem!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claws!
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
No eye-deer!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?
An elfcicle!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
They always drop their needles!
What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis!
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What did one Christmas tree say to the other?
Lighten up!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells!
What do you call a snowman's temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho, ho, ho!
What do you call a snowman that can walk?
A snowmobile!
What do you call a polar bear in the rain?
A drizzly bear!
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
How do snowmen get around?
By icicle!
Our own cracker jokes
Written by the ChristmasTales team, so you're less likely to have heard these ones before.
Why are snowmen rubbish at hide and seek?
You can always see the carrot sticking out.
What do you call a sleigh that's run out of reindeer?
A sledge.
Why did the elf take a ladder to the carol concert?
He wanted to reach the high notes.
Why did the star on top of the tree look so pleased with itself?
Everyone looked up to it.
Why do penguins always get their Christmas cards written on time?
They never lose their pen.
Why did the snowman say no to a hot chocolate?
He didn't want to lose his head.
What did the tinsel say to the Christmas tree?
I'm all wrapped up in you.
Why did the Christmas pudding go red?
It saw the brandy butter.
Why was the elf so good at maths?
He'd been counting down since November.
What did the wrapping paper say when the sticky tape ran out?
I just can't hold it together.
What did one Christmas cracker say to the other?
Shall we pull together?
Why did the stocking stay up all night?
It was hung up on something.
What did the sprout say when it was left on the plate again?
Nobody ever picks me.
Why did the gingerbread man take up running?
To stay one step ahead of the custard.
What does a reindeer do before a long flight?
Gets its antlers in a row.
Why did the bauble refuse to come down off the tree?
It liked hanging around.
Jokes for the whole family
Slightly longer set-ups for older children and grown-ups who like a proper groan.
What's the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum. You just can't beat it!
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed a trim!
What is Santa's favourite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Why did Rudolph get a bad school report?
Because he went down in history!
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!
Why did Santa put a clock on his sleigh?
He wanted to see time fly!
What does Mrs Claus say when there are clouds in the sky?
Looks like rain, dear!
What do you call a snowman with a carrot in each ear?
Anything you like. He can't hear you!
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days!
Why was the advent calendar nervous?
Its days were numbered!
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
Jokes for grown-ups and the office party
Nothing rude, just jokes that will go over younger heads.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the man in the suit gets the credit.
What's the best Christmas present for someone who has everything?
A burglar alarm.
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?
Because every buck is dear to him.
Why don't you ever see Santa in hospital?
Because he has private elf care.
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause.
Why did the office Secret Santa go so smoothly?
Nobody knew who to blame.
How can you tell it's the office Christmas party?
The printer is wearing tinsel and it still won't work.
What's the gap between the last of the leftovers and the start of the January diet?
About twenty minutes.
Why did the family quiz end early?
Someone asked who was keeping score.
Printable cracker joke cards
Our free PDF has 24 joke cards on two A4 pages, with the question on the front and the answer underneath. Cut along the dotted lines, fold each card and tuck it into a homemade cracker, a lunchbox or an advent calendar pocket. It prints well in black and white.
đ¨ī¸ Download the joke cards (PDF)
Making your own crackers?
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Cracker kits come with the card tubes, snaps and hats, so all you need to add is a joke and a small gift. See make-your-own cracker kits on Amazon UK.
Stocking fillers and games for the big day
More festive fun: carol lyrics, the Christmas trivia quiz and our free online advent calendar, which has a joke, fact or poem behind every door.